^he opens up with what we in the Noob Hunting community refer to as "bable". those of us "in the know" also are known to call it "nooble", as a sort of 'combination' (those of us "in the know" are likely to call such things "noobinations") between bable and 'noob' (the thing this player would eventually be known to the world as).
^as a consequence of me deploying my Super Cali Swagilistic Sexy Hella Dopeness posts, this noob begins to invoke my wrath.
^I begin backhanding this noob so hard she begins disassociating, talking in this third person.
^'kwas is nothing'. I am the Big Cheese, nigga. I am The Player. this player would learn these tags as I soon deploy my special skill: DUELSPAM.
^it appears my duel request, which was sent with honest intentions to clear the air of any lingering noobocity that was potentially present prior, only helped riled this lennyphobe up. I took it upon myself from this point forward to make the next 4 hours of her life in this server completely unplayable.
^using my vast technical knowledge of the source engine, I deploy my Aryan brainwashing technique on this newb so he gets as many noobsmas tags as possible. this is an example of him exhibiting traits that would warrant being marked with the "BLOCKED" tag, as he has blocked me.
^https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Five_stages_of_grief <- here you go
^duel loss #1.
^she tries to downplay this dub, but we all know her trying to combat log is one of the most massive & comical (massical? comive? these are noobinations that must be pondered on.) fails a noob can deploy.
^noob gets ratio'd by a complete Lenny Legion.
^swagphobia in the big ole' heckin' 25. YIKEY DICEY SPLICEY NICEY SPICY DIVICEY. IN ICEY!
^Lord God the Father in Heaven Above personally visits my game to correct the previous game error of putting him on my team with the explicit purpose of enabling further duelspammery.
^even the peanut gallery begins to notice how generally fearful in disposition this noobs holds herself.
^duel fail #2. this noob clearly has some form of large, masculine meaty fingers that eventually error in her pressing multiple or unintended keys. by analyzing such a fact, I come to the conclusion that this is the most farmable noob on planet Earth, and duels must be spammed every millisecond where possible.
^Narrator: but NHS KWAS did not stop.
^seeing at this noob is deploying belligerence when not requested (in the form of pressing K when she is being demanded to press J), I deploy the ancient psuedoaryan tactic of minionuse. this enables him, retard as he is, to think someone else is engaging him in a duel. such a conclusion is.... not correct. not correct at all. norrect, I think. we will need to ponder.
^but the game knows this fight is truly between this noob and I, not this noob and a minionsummon. as such, it corrects this by switching my minion to his team, a disruption of the natural order so obvious (duels literally give you autobalance immunity) that I take it as a clear Mandate from Heaven to continue my duelspamming.
^bro got his humour from Charlie Kirk and the Establishment Republicans. I freaking kek!
^then, the unthinkable happens. an Aryan LennyLORD in the server by the name of The Thinker points out a fact most curious; this guy has over FIVE THOUSAND HOURS and is this much of a noob. there is a pending investigation on how a player with this many hours is at a level of noobdeath previously thought to be restricted to members of lower hour castes.
^we discuss such a discrepancy between ourselves. we briefly consider adding "noob with 5k hours gets ultramegagigasuperduperfarmed" to the list of the Wonders of the World. we eventually reach the conclusion that such an addition would likely be too severe, despite the unprecedented failority at display.
^duel fail #3. this one, in specific, is rather comical. one must rationally try to digest what happened in this specific duel, using the other duels as a frame of reference. she did not leave the moment she fatfingered J, she did not leave the moment it was 1-0 or 2-0, she seriously thought, all the way up until it was THIRTEEN TO ZERO that she had a chance of coming back somehow. this is almost a tragedy. if an ancient greekoid was to discover this noob's plight, the tragic retelling of a story would likely be called something along the lines of "Ego Death of a Noob", or possibly "Dead, Dead Ass Noob". I have not yet discovered time travel, so I cannot be sure, but all evidence leads to this being the case. draw your own conclusions.
^similar to other noobs, she... for some reason keeps shit talking, despite losing 13-0...???? this supports a hypothesis held in a prior Christmas Gift in that noobs have a form of "brain retardery" (as I like to call it). I have since coined the term "botular noobism" to better categorize these ailed players.
^soy.
^duel fail #4. another very likely fatfinger. for reasons previously mentioned, it is highly likely that the sheer size and oblong shape of her fingers reminded this player of some form of sausage dish, causing her to be too distracted to press the correct key.
^I. am. too. Scary.
^this noob is so Scared of me, so desperate in an attempt to shake my off his trail, that he tries changing his name to maybe change what order in the duel menu he appears. alas. such a stratagem is in VAIN, as the most EXPERIENCED DUELIEST IN ALL OF TF2, such a simple trick will NOT SUFFICE!!
^running 'retry' in too many times will permanently boot you out of the server with an unavoidable error. https://steamcommunity.com/app/440/discussions/0/1696046342854165525/
CONSIDER YOURSELF BANNED FROM MANNPOWER. DO NOT RETURN WITHOUT MY PERMISSION AGAIN!
| steam3ID: [U:1:105518562]
| steamID32: STEAM_0:0:52759281
| steamID64: https://steamcommunity.com/profiles/76561198065784290
| customURL: https://steamcommunity.com/id/MidnightVcoco
uh oh... MAIN ALIAS ALERT!!!!!!
==DIDDYBLUD ALERT!!!!!==
^damn bro... insane numbers... everyone cares.
^every. fucking. time.
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^UHHHH...........
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